Soon after moving 1500 miles away from our family and friends, I was in a different state, newly married, pregnant and jobless. At first it wasn’t so bad because there was so much to do from the move and getting situated.
It was a few months later when morning sickness wasn’t going away and I was sitting on the bathroom floor puking for the 10th time that day, I picked up my phone and texted my husband at work, “I hate it here. I’m miserable, I just need friends.”
He said and did all the right things, but it didn’t make me feel better.
I cried to my mom, my sister and a handful of friends. But, the truth is, I was really embarrassed that I didn’t have friends. I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Everyone insisted over and over that once I had the baby I would surely meet more mamas and have a better support network.
Except it didn’t…
Fast forward to a year later, I now had a 6 month old that was in daycare because I worked full time. I had one friend at work, but we were both so busy with our lives between work and home, there was really wasn’t a way to connect too often outside of work.
The loneliness was so real. It was heavy and all consuming.
After putting the baby to bed one night, I came out crying. I sobbed as I explained to my husband that I just wanted to go home, that this wasn’t working anymore. I couldn’t seem to get into a motherhood groove, I was still struggling with breastfeeding and pain associated, I was working my ass off and felt disconnected from my own child and I was fucking lonely. It was nothing that he could fix and I knew that.
As I spoke, I started crying harder because I realized the loneliness wasn’t just because I didn’t have any of my friends sitting next to me, it was because I was really the only one of my close friends at this stage of life…I felt like no one “got me” and that was hard to swallow. It was less about my geographic location and more about the stage of life. I had always been someone with friends, I had always been connected. And now I wasn’t.
I didn’t want to go home, I needed support, I needed to feel like I was heard.
I spent months upon months attending story times, going to the play ground and local events and I would just pray that another mom would be there and we would click.
And when it didn’t happen, I resorted to lonely.
I resorted to no village.
I told myself over and over that what I had for support had to be enough. It wasn’t an option.
I was wrong, though. I was so very very wrong.
Never settle for lonely. Never settle for no support.
There are people out there. There are mothers in the same stage going through the same things and feeling just as lonely, sometimes it just takes a little digging to find that village. But it’s there.
Don’t settle for lonely, you are worth so much more.
The world is at your fingertips, find your village and flourish – they can be half way across the world and holding your heart in such a different way that the person sitting right next to you is.
If you are a mama searching for her village, My Mama Village is the answer. It’s an exclusive group of mamas that will lean on each other for support and guidance along with resources, tips & tricks and challenges to let the mama in you flourish. Sign up here to get your name on the waitlist – it opens for only a week starting on July 15th – and you will get first dibs (and a discount!) by signing up here.