I was recently reading a book by Brene Brown where she said that there are a million ways to be a good mother, but the only way to feel like a good mother is to be secure in your decisions.
This is something that I face every day. I see it in my own life and finding security in my own decisions and I see it in all the moms I talk to every day.
To some extent, it’s normal to be insecure about our decisions as mothers right off the bat. After all, motherhood is an extremely important role and after we have our first it is, quite literally, all new to us. This leaves most of us feeling a bit insecure, to say the least.
In the beginning, we aren’t sure how to change diapers, give sponge baths, swaddle, breastfeed, etc. So we look to others for help and guidance. It might be family members or friends, a support group or it may just be google. All are okay options, all help us to make decisions. However, All of these are also where we are faced with a million opinions on a million different things.
For example, you call a friend to ask if it’s okay that your baby’s poop is not a “mustardy” color like it was yesterday. After a quick discussion you mentioned that you gave baby some tylenol after their vaccines yesterday.
Enter opinions and unsolicited advice: on tylenol, on artificial flavors, on vaccines, on your doctors, etc. etc. etc.
Trigger insecurities. Am I right?!
Some of us are able to brush this off, not think twice about it and chalk it up to “crazy grandma” or “she’s way more hippie than I am”. Then there are those of us that run directly to our medicine cabinet and look at every ingredient in every infant medication we stocked up on before the baby was born.
This is happens with so many things – it’s not just when baby’s are infants – it’s at every stage. Why? Because people will always have opinions. But that’s exactly what they are…opinions.
What works for me, might not work for you…and that’s okay!
We feed our kids goldfish.
We let them use the iPad and watch television.
Somedays we just wear pajamas all day.
We let them drink real, honest to goodness, cow’s milk.
We try to feed them organic fruits and vegetables when we can.
We don’t make separate meals for the kids most nights, they eat what we eat.
We bathe them 2 (maybe 3 if they get extra dirty one day) times per week.
I could go on and on – and many have already found faults in my small list that I made above. Those same people would cringe if they opened my refrigerator, looked in my medicine cabinet or saw some of the things that our children play with.
But it’s our family and they’re our kids. We take care of them and we do the best we can. I know we are enough.
I don’t know it all the time, I don’t even know it most of the time. But I know it today.
I’m a good mother, whether you tell me I am or not. My mothering has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my children.
You’re a good mother too and I hope you feel like you are today.
Just be you. You are enough.