Most moms you talk to have some kind of troubling story to tell you about their postpartum experience. Whether it was pain from breastfeeding, trouble healing after birth or knock down, drag out fights with the people they love the most. The struggles postpartum are natural because there is so much happening with our bodies, with our families, with our life. Like, our life has changed one hundred and fifty percent and no matter how much we promised to never lose ourselves…we always kind of do.
But why can’t we seem to get the help we need postpartum?
Well, beyond the typical adjustments that need to be made in our healthcare systems, we don’t get the help we need for a few reasons:
- We google too much. We turn to google for everything and sometimes that’s just fine, but when it comes to questions we have about ourselves, we push it to the back burner. We don’t want to spend the effort, time or money to pack the baby up, get in the car and drive all the way to an appointment, support group or anything else for that matter. After all, that might require us to actually get dressed and comb our hair…maybe. We google because it provides us with quick fixes that might help, but they are just as likely not to.
- We don’t reach out because of shame and guilt. We feel like if we ask a question we are going to have turn around and run quickly before the daggers start being thrown. We want the help but we fear the judgement that comes with that help. We don’t want people to know that we hate breastfeeding or being home with the baby or that we snuck them solid foods early in an attempt to try to get them to sleep (because that’s what we read on google). We let the fear keep us from reaching out to those that can help us.
- We belong to too many groups that don’t actually help. You know..like that Facebook group that has thousands of moms in it…you post a question and you get several responses, most of which are just a chance for another mom to tell her story, which may or may not be helpful. Most of these answers aren’t helpful, most actually start bickering about the topic (insert shame and guilt), and none come from anyone that has any more expertise than you do. So, you end up more confused than you were in the first place.
But here’s the thing – we do actually need help and support postpartum. Whether it is for someone to point us in the right direction, give us sound advice/instruction or someone to be trustworthy and walk the path with you.
Other moms going through the same thing are great people to do this with, but I caution you that there needs to be more. There need to be professionals helping you, people that are trained, people that know their shit.
It’s for you, it’s for your well being…and if you won’t do it for yourself – do it for the your children.
If you’re looking for your village, one with support, guidance and encouragement from other moms going through the same thing AND the benefit of a professional that can answer all your postpartum questions including lactation and feeding…your village is here and you can sign up here now!