To the lonely mom looking for friends
October 9, 2017
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I stood at the gym this morning looking at a piece of equipment I’d never used before.  I’ve seen hundreds of other people use it and each time I look at them thinking about the work out they’re getting, slightly envious.

But this morning was different. I was feeling a little more confident in my abilities and thought I’d go for it.

So, I did.  I nearly collapsed at my first go and I stood there looking around at who may have seen it.

I backed up and texted my husband while trying to pick up the pieces of my pride.  I took a picture of the equipment, sent to him and said “I can’t”.

His first response was, “Okay, well at least you tried, now you know and that’s okay.”  Then he probably got out of whatever meeting he was in and sent back another reply, “Are you scared or can you really not do it?  There are a lot of things you can do to modify so you CAN actually do it”

And that was it.
I was scared. 

As I modified and successfully started to do my exercise I started to think about all the parents I work with.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times I hear the words, “I can’t do that” in regards to helping their child sleep, and then as we start to break it down they admit that they’re scared.

But just like I changed some things up so I could get the exercise done, I always tell parents that when it comes to sleep we can ALWAYS modify.

There is no one set way.

In fact, it’s okay to say “I can’t” as long as we can figure out why…and if it’s that we’re scared to move forward or there is something holding us back then we have to look at why and how we can effectively and comfortably change that. 

Being scared challenges us to leave our comfort zone, not set our values/ideals aside.  I don’t ever want a parent to feel forced into a specific methodology or think there is only one way…because there isn’t. 

However, when we can talk about what it is that scares us, we can get to the route of what we need to adjust.  Fore example, I don’t want to leave my baby to cry in his crib because I’m scared it will have lasting effects. 

Right on.  That’s why I couldn’t do cry it out.  It sacrificed my ideals.  That was more than a fear, it was what I believed I needed to do as a parent.  BUT when I looked at my ideals I saw what scared me and adjusted.

Those fears are at the root of a lot of the things we do when it comes to parenting, but if we look at the WHY before we throw up our hands proclaiming “I can’t!” we might actually find a way to get to whatever is we need/want without sacrificing.  Actually, it usually makes us grow a whole lot more.

Grow to be more confident.
Grow to understand who we are and what are values/ideals are.
Grow to see the “results” we were looking for.

That’s worth it for me.

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