That old saying, “It takes a village…”
Well, yes, it does take a village to raise a child. Where the hell is that village though? My parents live 1500 miles away, my in-laws are a 10 hour drive and it took until my son was 2 years old for me to actually feel like I had a genuine friend in the area. I have an inclination, through many conversations with different mothers, that this is the way many of us feel today. The village just doesn’t seem to exist any more? Or does it? Maybe it does exist but it isn’t what I imagined, it isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
I guess what sucks about this so called village is the lack of help it actually provides. The village that you end up making for yourself when you are in a new place, or even the same place but in a different phase of your life, is mostly made up of other mothers that don’t really know you and give you judgmental eyes, gasps and “really’s?!?” when you reach out. When I have a question or I am seeking support in someway and it turns into the fact that I let them watch tv or gasp use the iPad, it doesn’t make me want to reach out ever again. Instead of getting direction I leave with guilt, anger and hurt. None of which, by the way, help us to raise our kids. Instead those same eyes watch over my children as they play with theirs and make judgements of why they do the things they do. The fact that he drinks chocolate milk and eats hot dogs is to blame for my two year old’s tantrum one day and the fact that my one year old never had a bottle is the reason she screams when I leave the room.
Wait. WHAT!?!?! Are these seriously the things we are letting shape our village? Finding fault in each and everyone around us? Placing blame on stupid, menial things? Instead of creating a shelter of support we have turned our village into a war zone where we have to enter armed and ready to dodge the bullets as they fly not only at us, but at our children, too! Some freaking village…
And, honestly, I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why it is so hard to embrace one another, differences and all. Of course our children are a result of the way they are brought up, this isn’t news to anyone, but does anyone stop to think about what our children see when we interact this way? No wonder our world is full of judgements, hatred and fear; it’s what our children see from the very beginning.
If we could accept a little more, judge a little less, love a lot more and embrace the differences we have; maybe, just maybe, we could get that village back despite how far we are from our home village.
I’d love to hear your feedback, am I alone in this village struggle or is this as real for others as it is for me?