I have little hands and feet on me all day long. I have a toddler that talks to me nonstop.
We go to play groups, we host and attend play dates, we go to the park, we go shopping…I do a lot with my kids.
Yet, motherhood is lonely. It just is. Well, for me anyways.
The loneliness, for me, is in the meaningless conversations. My small talk is often a cover for my daily struggles because I know the judgement runs deep and it’s easier not to talk about most things than deal with the guilt/shame that comes from the judgement cast upon me.
I’m done. I don’t buy into those conversations that revolve around the [silent] comparison game. In fact, when I see them happening I try my best to back away slowly and not get involved.
You know what’s better than all of that menial dialogue that leaves us with the doubts of our parenting skills? Conversations about why we feel the emptiness, the guilt, the shame. Conversations like this: I don’t know what to do about my two year old and his tantrums, I’m at breaking point and despite my best efforts I can’t get through to him or…my one year old refuses to eat anything but fruit and I am exhausted physically and emotionally from trying a million different ways to prepare protein to have it spit back in my face.
Talking about your parenting is an invitation to be judged. Whatever you’re doing – it’s wrong. Whatever you just did – don’t do that again. Whatever you’re thinking about doing – don’t.
But why? Why is it this way? That we sugar coat stories when we talk to each other, we leave out the part (or don’t post the pictures of..)where they were playing on their iPad or neglect to say they had a big cone of ice cream.
Why do those things matter? Those are not the things that define the mothers we are. The love, the concern we have for our children is what defines our motherhood, not how many cookies they ate or how long they watched television today.
The meaningful conversations that leave me fulfilled are with the women that live thousands of miles away from me that I have a history with. Our history together breaks down the judgement barrier. They focus less on the small things and more on the big picture because they’ve been with me for the long haul and they find the meaning behind what is said. But, and it’s a big but, they are not present in my every day life. They can’t be. They live far and they have families of their own. And that…well, that’s hard.
It’s the way things are these days – you don’t know my true concerns, the same way I don’t know yours. Why? Because of the fears and anxieties we have about sharing them.
So, instead we are left swallowing our words. Holding them in. And, well, that leaves us (or maybe just me?) lonely.
Are you a mom-to-be or a new mom? Sign up for my FREE postpartum kit Here. Remember, my postpartum support and guidance is always judgment free!