Every night, I sit down and read the local news on my phone or computer when the kids have gone to bed. Occasionally I will watch national news coverage, but I haven’t watched the local news for a little over a year now, the stories started to shake me and disrupt my life and I knew I needed to make a change.
Last January, I sat watching the news being reported about a local father that threw his young daughter off a bridge. I was dumbfounded. I was holding my infant daughter at the time and I found myself sobbing hysterically while clinging to her even tighter. That was the tipping point for me. Every single day it seemed to me that there were reports of some type of child abuse that I couldn’t fathom. It was making me depressed and hopeless. I couldn’t sleep for nights thinking about the world that we had now brought our children into. It was too much for me to hear these stories everyday over and over again: parents purposely locking their child in a car, a father keeping his son in a cage in the basement for years only giving him food once a day, children being left while their parents went to a bar…these horror stories go on and on and on.
So, I made the decision, for my own well being, that I couldn’t take it anymore. I still read the headlines every day and, many times, I see one that jars me. I stop, say a prayer, and move on without reading the whole story most times. And sometimes it makes me feel guilty, that I can’t spend the two minutes reading the story about an innocent child that deserves to have their story told because they were important, they were valuable, they cannot and will not be replaced. But my goodness, it breaks my heart to think that these poor children may have never been the center of someone’s world. Many had no idea what unconditional love was, let alone love at all. They craved attention and now they were getting it because the sheriff’s office was reporting it.
I am in tears now thinking of these horrible things and these most precious and innocent lives. Sometimes, the world is too much for me to handle, especially since becoming a mother. And so, I censor the world for myself. I take the steps I need to, I stay informed, I pray for all victims and I go to bed each night grateful for the life I have been given and the family that I have.